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The group had cleared the Camping supply store and were going through and gathering supplies. <stay frosty> kept echoing in her mind every time she looked at Marko. It was going to drive her crazy if she didn't say something, and soon. Watching the others, she saw Marko move into the back room, probably a stock room. She glanced around and saw that no one else was going in with him, so she made her way over to the door. She slipped inside and shut the door behind her. Her hand was shaking as she locked the door. She turned around and leaned back against it for a moment, looking for him. She had left her spear out by the truck, but her gun was slipped into the waist of her jeans. She really needed to find some kind of a holster, at some point. She took a deep breath, not sure if this was a wrong move or not, but she had to know if her suspicions were true.
She spotted him a few feet away , almost hidden by boxes. Coming up behind him, she cleared her throat. The look on her face was pure frustration, "We need to talk." she spoke in a soft tone, as she raised a brow and stared at him, "stay frosty....." She stood there, staring at him. Please don't lie to me, please, anything but that. She silently prayed as she watched him.
The group had cleared the store without too much trouble, and now without anything to focus on, Marko started thinking again. He had caught the look Tala gave him outside, the subtle shift of her tone, the almolt trembling note in her voice as she asked Castle, not him, to watch her back. Something during his "speech" had rubbed her the wrong way. In fact, everything about the speech, stiff and military, probably rubbed her the wrong way.
Once again trying to occupy himself, Marko decided to start picking out whatever supplies was good to take with them. Stepping inside the storeroom, he wasn't prepared for the conversation that would take place. Marko had heard the door opening and closing a second time. Without looking back, he already knew who it was.
And neither did he turn back when she spoke, pretending to be sorting through thesupplies on the shelf. His hand reached out towards one of the boxes higher up, but stopped midway as he heard the words. Stay frosty. Damnit, Marko cursed at himself. It was going to be another one of those things he would never forgive himself for.
"I guess I should have told you earlier" Marko said somberly as he turned around, eyes dared not to meet hers. He found himself gripping at the tags around his neck through his shirt. "You're right. I am military. Staff Sergeant Marko Josevich, US Army Rangers. I can give you my serial number too"
"But we're not all the same" With a sigh, Marko added, guilt welling up inside of him as he spoke. No, he had seen those who sacrificed themselves to protect strangers they had never even met before in their lives, but he couldn't say that for himself.
Tala stared at him, and shook her head. Her face contorted into a look of disgust, "So...you just were gonna hide that little tid bit....after what I told you?" She was trembling she was so angry, hurt, scared, hell , she didn't even know what she was feeling.
She took a step towards him, "You're not all the same...no..Nick was honest...knew up front what he was, and he proved to me what kind of man he was." Her tone was hard, spoken through a clenched jaw. "Why?" she was shaking as she stood there, staring at him, "why didn't you say...something, last night...when I told you..." she shook her head, wiped her hands over her face, "You wanna know how my father died...do you?' She glared at him, hair hanging in her face, 'Men...soldiers...two soldiers, who were supposed to protect us, they were gonna rape me...and he died because he wanted to protect me." She shook her head, 'Those men fought with my father...and the one, stabbed him, and then slit his throat. My brother came into the tent and saw..and flew into a rage, and the other one shot him." She clenched her fists, "those men...who were there to save us, turned on us, and you want me to believe you aren't all the same..." she took a ragged breath, 'not revealing the truth is the same as lying." She wanted to hit him, to scream at him, but the others would hear. Tala stood shaking, and licked her lips. "We need...a fighter..another strong man, to get those girls to a safe place, "she wasn't even sure what she was thinking or saying right then, " just...help us do that..." She swallowed,and watched him.
The knot in his stomach tightened as Marko listened to Tala. He could have and should have told her from the start and perhaps things would be different if he had. But instead he lied, perhaps not directly, but he did lie, simply because he was afraid.
Afraid. Fear. It was that word again. A coward and now a liar too
Marko bit down on his lips as Tala continued with the gruesome details of her family's deaths. Clenched jaw, gritted teeth, glaring eyes: she was angry at him and had every right to be. As Marko searched for a reply, he found none. Maybe he should have told her how sorry he felt? No, whatever words of comfort he had to say would have been void of meaning, no matter of his true feelings. It would have sounded fake, pretentious, empty, like just another lie. Something needed to be said, but he didn't know what.
As she finished, Marko found himself leaning back against the shelf and hanging his head in shame. The cold silence was sharper than any knife. Less than a minute had passed, yet it felt like years before Marko eventually urged himself to speak. "I was... afraid" He paused, unsure of whether it would have any effect on Tala, if there was any sympathy to be found, if she even cared. "I was afraid of what would happen. Afraid that this would happen. That wasn't right of me"
"What they did to you and your family..." Breathing deeply, Marko let go of the tags around his neck, his fingers a shade of near-white. "Wrong wouldn't even begin to describe it... and for what it's worth... I'm sorry"
"I can't say I'm a good man" Lifting his head and looking straight at Tala for the first time, Marko remembered the question she asked of him last night, and figured a proper answer was in order. No more cryptic half-hearted answers. No more lies. "But I'm willing to do what's right. Whatever it takes to protect them" Marko said it with a conviction he never knew existed. Those men may have forgotten their duty, but he hadn't, and he wasn't planning on failing it a second time.
She had watched him the whole time and saw him struggling,unable to look at her. Part of her found that odd and the other,well,it thought he was avoiding looking at her so he wouldn't give anything away. She didn't know about his past,and hadn't even thought about it when she walked back here. Her own grief was raw and raging inside her,pushing everything else aside.
Now , his face, the way he looked caught her off guard. She felt the sting of fresh tears as he spoke of fear. He had been afraid,of what? Of her? Of people finding out what he was? Why? Thoughts raced,but she could not deny what she saw and heard. He truly was sorry for what happened to her. Hearing him go back to the question she had asked him,she was unable to stop the tears from falling. She was too intent on watching him to wipe them away and felt them slip down her cheeks and off her chin. She wrapped her arms around her waist,and took a ragged breath. She realized he had a past too. He had been a soldier,and was now here,alone. Her head shook a moment as she tried to clear her thoughts.He meant to try. She took a deep breath,"you were afraid...afraid of is finding out you were a soldier...why?" She stood a few feet from him,"I can't blame you for what happened,and I dont." Why should she? He wasn't the ones that hurt her. "But,you being one makes it hard for....and not being truthful...that makes me feel you are hiding something."
She wiped her face with her hands," those girls are ...important...special...reminds us that there is a chance...hope,ya know" she took a step closer to him." And we are all afraid...don't use that as an excuse,you just have to do what you know is right." A step closer now and her hand came out,extended to him."you now know why I don't trust soldiers,now how about you tell me why you're afraid of us?" She stared at her hand,as it was held out to him,Palm up. A gesture of no more secrets. A hand extended in truth and hoping for trust.
Marko had always been a practical man, but even he knew what morale can do. Hope was as vital as food, water or bullets. Without hope, some would have no reason to go on. There was even a medical term for that which eluded his memory, where someone just went to sleep and never woke up. It wasn't suicide. There was no bites. Their minds simply broke under the pressure, giving in instead of continuing to fight a losing battle. "I know what you mean. It's important to have hope"
Tala seemed to have calmed down, or at least she was no longer angry at him, and as she held out her hand, Marko followed suit. But that also brought them to the question of his past, something he would rather not even remember. Hesitant to speak about it, Marko raced for an excuse before promptly stopping himself. If she wanted to know, then he would tell her. He owed her that much. A promise was a promise, and no more lies meant no more lies.
"You'll be the first person to know this, so you may want to sit down" With a heavy sigh, Marko started. Perhaps sharing it would ease the burden a little. Or at least he hoped so. "I was deployed in New York at this safe zone, which was basically several blocks of housing surrounded by makeshift fences. There were so many civilians and so few of us that at one point we even had to turn more away, fearing that we would run out of supplies. We were told to wait for evacuation. Guess that plan went to shit"
"Six months in, rescue still hadn't arrived and the radio was getting nothing but static. But funny thing is, we were actually surviving. Alive and getting by. That was, long story short, until someone fucked up" Spoken through gritted teeth, Marko's tone was one of cold distaste. He cursed at himself for not seeing it coming, for having been able to stop it from happening. "Our place wasn't that close to the center, but that shot rang out for miles. The fences didn't stand a chance"
"My squad was cut off from the others and we got surrounded. Nine of us against at least an eighth of the population of New York, which was 8 million" Marko remembered the briefing he had received before they deployed him. He also remembered the faces, the names, the birthplace, the favorite drink of his men. Every man and woman whose lives were entrusted to him he had taken the time to get to know, and it only served to remind him that it wasn't a just a casualty he had left behind. "There were just too many. We didn't even have enough bullets, not counting misses"
"When they started going down, I... Panicked" Marko admitted, his fist clenched tight and his lips nearly bleeding from him biting on it. "They needed me and I just... froze. Couldn't say anything, couldn't even move. They were shouting, screaming at me for orders and I just stood there" Marko closed his eyes and saw their faces again, staring at him with those dead eyes, accusing, condemning, damning him. He saw their deaths flashing before him over and over again, as if stuck on a never ending loop
"I felt... helpless. We weren't going to make it, I saw that and just... Gave up out of fear. I watched them go down, one by one and yet I was just too fucking afraid" At this point, Marko found himself trembling from anger and realized that he was nearly shouting. Lowering his voice into a more quiet, brooding note, he continued "Afraid. Could have done anything and I was just too... scared to do it."
"Rescue came moments later. Everyone was dead. If only we held out for just a bit longer... If I didn't..." Marko felt the first signs of tears forming around his eyes and quickly wiped it away. "I should have died there" Marko sighing, his eyes staring into nothing as he waited for a reply. Whatever she thought of him now, it was to be true. No more secrets.
Last Edit: Jan 16, 2015 14:54:23 GMT -5 by Deleted
Tala stood and listened, and the only movement was when she took his outstretched hand in her own. She saw how much pain this caused him, and realized it mirrored her own. She too had done nothing. She had screamed and cursed those men, but in the end, she had ran, to save herself. Her father and brother lay dead and dying, and she ran. Her eyes watched his face, and after he finished, her hand squeezed his, then let go. She didn't know what to say, what would make it better, something liveable for him.
He was a soldier and he now felt cowardice. Better cowardice than to fall to evil like those men at her camp. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it.Her head raised as she swallowed and stepped closer to him. She raised her hand and hesitated for a moment before her fingers found his jaw, turning his face to look at hers.
"I know....but better to live and fight, to feel fear, than to be blinded by whatever evil dwells in your soul , evil that made those men turn on those they were sworn to protect." She made him stare into her grey eyes as she spoke to him, "Everyone has a purpose, even in this fucked up new world, and you were meant to be here, it took me time to come to terms with that, but we need you, those girl need you, " she swallowed, 'I need you ...to be strong...to fight...to laugh...to have some joy , whatever we can, in this place, and you are going to do that, you will be strong and fight for us, protect us, and even come to care about us." She released her fingers and stood there for a moment, 'those are your new orders, soldier, we are family now..all of us, you got that?" She stared at him, long and hard, then turned to go, "No one will here your story from me, you have my word."
As they locked eyes, Marko could see the pain that plagued her as well as his reflected in those grey eyes. They had both lost those close to them, both had ran away, both were cowards in their own ways. So why couldn't he think the same way she did?
Tala's words, as kind as they were, remained just words and came only as a small comfort to him. It didn't change what he had done, neither could it serve as justification for his actions and most of all, it didn't bring them back. But part of it still rang true: he was alive, whether through fate or dumb luck;. he was alive and that meant he could make sure no one else suffered the same as his squad. "Thank you.. for trying to help. It means a lot" Cracking a weak smile that never quite fully formed, Marko said as his eyes stared into hers before turning away "But you weren't there. I'm sorry" He couldn't find the heart to forgive himself. This was a burden he was compelled to carry until his last dying breath.
"Still, you're right" Marko cleared his throat, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. By trying to pretect these people, sticking with them from the start when he could easily have left and not risked detection, what had he been looking for really? A chance to save what's left of his dignity? Redemption? Perhaps, he thought if he could protect these people, then the nightmares would finally leave him alone. Whatever the reason, as long as he still drew breath, no one was going to hurt them. "You don't really look like you need protection, neither do the girls and I'm sure Mark and Castle can handle themselves. But since you put it as an order... There's no way I can refuse" Marko turned to look at her again and smiled, before turning to face her entirely.
And as Tala made her way towards the door, Marko gave her a mock salute. "I appreciate it. Let's just keep it a secret between us"
She had tried ,but it was clear he didn't take to heart all she said. She glanced back over her shoulder as he snapped a salute at her. Was he taking this serious? She licked her lips and sighed,"I do need you,I need help adjusting and someone to watch out for me,I have never been in cold weather much," she shrugged," doesn't really get cold in Florida." She unlocked the door,"listen,don't treat me different,or like I am broken since you know my past," her head turned as did half her body to face him with a cold expression,"do and I will kill you myself,got that?" She yanked the door open and slipped back into the main shop, searching for supplies. Tala was hoping to find stuff she had never had to use before,sleeping bags and all sorts of cold weather gear.
Marko sighed and lowered his arm. Dropping the smile, his expression was once again serious. "Don't take it the wrong way. You tried, and I thank you for that, but this..." He paused, searching for the right words. "It isn't something that can be fixed with a few choice words"
"Though I meant it when I said I'd stay with you." Marko took a step forward and gave Tala a reassuring nod. "Even if you don't need me, I got your back, and theirs" He said, gesturing towards the door. "And Florida girl, huh? You might want to grab as much clothes as you can then, or you're gonna have a wicked good time once we're further North."
"And I wouldn't even dream of thinking you're broken" Marko watched as she left. If so, you're not the only broken one
Shauna Kelly: That helped, thank you
Oct 4, 2021 14:40:44 GMT -5
Ayita Hunt: dang, January was my last post.. Jeez it's been a hot minute. o7 guys, sorry for the complete disappearance, life got.. a little interesting this year.
Oct 18, 2021 22:34:19 GMT -5