Post by Remy LaCroix on Jun 8, 2015 12:36:49 GMT -5
Once she was back inside the store, she stopped at one of the racks, reaching a hand out as she gripped the cold, metal pole.
"God dammit."
She brought her free hand up to her mouth as she closed her eyes, trying not to make a sound as the tears streamed down her face. Maybe it was good she let this out but it didn't feel good in the least. It felt weak. The conflict in her head about all this was too much. It was easy to run away but it wasn't easy not caring. She didn't even know what this life was and what she was supposed to be doing in it. The only thing she knew is that she wanted to go home. She wouldn't stop anyone from going with her, but she certainly wasn't encouraging it either. She heard footsteps in the empty building, assuming Luca had followed her in to see what was wrong with her. When she turned around, she found Grant standing there looking her over. His words struck a deeper chord with her as he spoke about what she was to this group.
"How am I supposed to be the glue holding everyone together when I can't even hold myself together?"
It wasn't a question that was meant to be answered even if he chose to try an answer it. How could he answer it after all? He didn't really know her and she wasn't about to reveal any true feelings of fear to him. Luca knew what some of her fears were and he knew why she wanted to be on her own. Grant would have gotten a general feel for it, but he wouldn't know the extent of why. To her, saying someone needed you was a heavy statement and she wasn't even sure why he was so dead set on having her stay. If she tried to walk away from this he would only continue to follow her. Running away was not the solution and she knew Grant was right for saying that. She felt her voice wavering again as she clenched her jaw, doing all she could to stuff this shit back down.
"I can't ask any of you to do anything for me. I wouldn't, either. I just want to go home. I need to see my home."
"God dammit."
She brought her free hand up to her mouth as she closed her eyes, trying not to make a sound as the tears streamed down her face. Maybe it was good she let this out but it didn't feel good in the least. It felt weak. The conflict in her head about all this was too much. It was easy to run away but it wasn't easy not caring. She didn't even know what this life was and what she was supposed to be doing in it. The only thing she knew is that she wanted to go home. She wouldn't stop anyone from going with her, but she certainly wasn't encouraging it either. She heard footsteps in the empty building, assuming Luca had followed her in to see what was wrong with her. When she turned around, she found Grant standing there looking her over. His words struck a deeper chord with her as he spoke about what she was to this group.
"How am I supposed to be the glue holding everyone together when I can't even hold myself together?"
It wasn't a question that was meant to be answered even if he chose to try an answer it. How could he answer it after all? He didn't really know her and she wasn't about to reveal any true feelings of fear to him. Luca knew what some of her fears were and he knew why she wanted to be on her own. Grant would have gotten a general feel for it, but he wouldn't know the extent of why. To her, saying someone needed you was a heavy statement and she wasn't even sure why he was so dead set on having her stay. If she tried to walk away from this he would only continue to follow her. Running away was not the solution and she knew Grant was right for saying that. She felt her voice wavering again as she clenched her jaw, doing all she could to stuff this shit back down.
"I can't ask any of you to do anything for me. I wouldn't, either. I just want to go home. I need to see my home."